Michael Girdley: 05/01/2006

On the NBA

I'm sick of the NBA. Why?

The Product: The "product" is the basketball itself. Compare these guys to the College game during March Madness. Each regular season game is in slow motion or, at best, four guys standing around watching a star play one-on-one. I don't blame the players. These guys are trying to pain themselves through 82 regular season games, 8 pre-season games, and then up to 35 playoff games. It's a miracle they can still walk. (Of course, the best "therapies" help with that. Do you think it's a coincidence that two players both had kidney failure while still playing a few years back [Sean Elliott and Alonzo Mourning]?)

The Duration: I've started bringing reading materials to the games for the 25 timeouts per half, pre-game introductions, 15+ minute halftimes, and 2 minute free throw sessions that are added to the 48 minutes of running clock. For recent Spurs games, we're there for over three hours of which less than an hour is action. Boring!

The Greed: Have you watched the halftime entertainment? How many times do we have to watch the little Asian girl on a unicycle spin plates on her head? Or, the African-American slam dunk team jump on trampolines? I know your budgets are tight NBA owners, but can we dish out more than $50 and a bus ticket to get something reasonably entertaining for the 15+ minutes we sit in our chairs for halftime? Don't even get me started on the ticket prices, $6 beers, or the fact that the non-profits that run the concessions for Aramark only get 10% of the gross sales when the 30 cent beer is marked up about 2000%. And guys, can we change the music once in a while? If I hear Rock n Roll Part II one more time, I think I'm going to end it all.

The Complacency: In the case of the Spurs, they've won three championships since 1999. Their sales reps get rude. They raise prices. They screw you and then call you every week to "chat" about the latest promotion. When our company signed up for tickets, we were forced to buy all this extra-curricular stuff like WNBA season tickets and minor league hockey. I couldn't give that stuff away.

The Chairs: As the one sport that is truly the triumph of the tall people, why are the seats built for Oompa Loompas? If I want to pay $115 for a ticket and have my knees in my throat for 3 hours, I fly American and sit in coach.

The Phoniness: "NBA Cares" shows how much the NBA gives a hoot about reading or some other worthy cause. True, there are a number of real heroes out there like David Robinson who puts his money where his mouth is. But do you really think quality folks like Larry Brown, Stephen Jackson, Rasheed Wallace and Ron Artest are doing anything for the community? It's not that I expect the NBA to be anything less than a for profit enterprise, but why the hypocrisy?

And anyway, this doesn't have anything to do with the Spurs losing to the Mavericks.